Freaked out by Freedom??

When I was younger - and we'll just guesstimate age as being anywhere between 10 and 15 - I would get up on any given summer day whenever I pleased.  Maybe watch a little TV, pour a bowl of cereal, get bored enough to wander outside.  We did have phones back then, but they were attached to the kitchen wall.  I may have used it to call my bff to see what was up for the day but more than likely I probably just voluntarily walked over to her house. 

My dad was a school teacher, so although not working during these fine summer months of blissful freedom, he wasn't exactly making ass prints in the couch.  That man was always doing SOMETHING - fishing, golfing, mowing, tinkering.  I'm sure most of the time my whereabouts were anyone's guess.  If he was around I was always sure to shout "I'M GOING TO AMY'S HOUSE" just before the door slammed.

I came home when I was hungry, thirsty, needed to pee, or just generally wanted to come home for whatever reason.  We didn't do anything too terribly bad.  I remember lighting a few dry leaves on fire once.  I stuffed them into a glass jar and threw a match in and watched them burn, then burn out, and then I'd start all over again. Even then my memory tells me I had permission as long as I didn't start the grass on fire.  True rebellion didn't really hit until about the age of 16 - which is another post all together. 

We had a black top road  that lead straight through town and out into the country.  Every now and then we would ride our bikes out a few miles and turn back, just to kill time.  Pretty sure the only people that knew we were out there were the farmers that passed us in their pick up trucks.  We swam at the local public pool, played at the playground, watched local baseball games, hung out in each other's backyards, pretty much whatever we could find to do with our time.

My childhood was not wrapped in bubble wrap and puffy hearts.  I didn't live in Utopia or Mayberry or any other fictional fantastical place.  When I was out and about, I could have gotten hurt (and did a few times) - crashed a bike, gotten lost, been approached by a stranger (did that too!).  I could have also made a lot of bad choices, as all the choices were mine to make.  I could have shoplifted from the corner grocery store, threw eggs at  passing cars, drank copious amounts of alcohol or smoked cigarettes behind the school or do all those things they tell you not to do in the "very special episodes" of Growing Pains.  But I didn't.  Do you know why?  Because that dad of mine, who maybe was not riding my ass about what I was doing all day and was certainly not spending his hours entertaining me, had eyes and ears every where.  Had he caught wind of anything I was doing that I was not supposed to be doing, I would have been PUNISHED!  And punishment was more than time out and no more Frogger on the Atari.  It was PUNISHMENT!  It was having my dad YELL at me and ask me if I had lost my ever lovin' mind and than depending on the level of absurdity of my decisions a big fat spankin' on the ass and solitary confinement in my room.  Punishment and discipline were made of all those things I did not want to happen to me.  Not things that were sort of an inconvenience in my day.

My kids have MORE freedom than I ever had - as me and their father work at jobs outside of the home for 40 hours plus commute Monday - Friday.  Which leaves them totally unsupervised for 45 hours a week.  They do NOTHING with their freedom!  It drives me insane.  After the 3rd week of summer vacation, I asked them what they are doing with their days aside from chores and watching TV.  Their answer was "nothing".  "Do you play with friends?" I ask.  "Sometimes."  "Well what do you DO with friends?" I ask.  "Swim or watch TV".  And then they gave me this big sob story about how only TWO of their friends live in our neighborhood and when they aren't home, there is NOTHING to do!

I sat down with my kids and looked them straight in the eye and explained the amount of freedom they have.  That they are free to make choices for themselves ALL DAY LONG!  They can LEAVE THE HOUSE AT WILL!  Go, be free, I told them.  Do what 11 year olds and 13 year olds do.  You have my permission.  Just don't mess up.

Speaking of messing up... did you hear about the 3 kids from Florida that got bored one day and hopped a flight to Tennessee with nothing but a whim and $700 cash one of them had in their piggy bank?  Seriously! I read this in the newspaper.  My first reaction as a parent was "My kid would NEVER do that!"  My second reaction was "If my kids ever did that I would KICK THEIR ASS INTO NEXT WEEK."  And then my 3rd reaction was "HOW FUCKING AWESOME!"  Okay seriously, they were kids 11 - 15 years old - 2 siblings and a friend, left to their own devices and a wad of cash.  They decided that they were bored and wanted to fly somewhere, so why not Tennessee?  I mean really...why not?  So getting through the cab ride, the ticket buying, the security, the boarding without any adult asking any questions, they make it to Tennessee and then realize they only had $40 left in their pocket and no way to get back.  The gig was up, they called mom and dad.  Mom and dad appropriately freaked out.  The airlines paid for their flights back home and everyone was safe and sound.  Can you imagine the stories these kids will have for the first day of school?  And the memories they made together as siblings?  I've got to say, thankfully, they had the good sense to realize their gig was up and call for help.  That's the sign of a good decision maker right there.  Granted the decision that got them there was a little flawed but not without merit. 

Although I really don't know any more of the story, I might draw some totally biased and unfounded conclusions.  Conclusions that these kids got in a lot of trouble when they got home.  The parents were probably somewhere between hugging them to death and strangling them.  The kids' reign of freedom is probably over for a while. Their bank accounts probably frozen for a bit. 

But isn't it awesome that they had the sense of adventure to even THINK about doing it?  And then THINK that is might even be POSSIBLE!  I mean, so many parents, teachers, school administrators are so overly obsessed with the absolute dangers that lurk in society that the term "lock down" is now written in every school handbook across the nation.  Kids walking to school unsupervised is absolutely unheard of, should they be snatched up and put into a scary white van.  After-school care is the norm, often in places that also practice "lock down" and scheduled snacking.  It's as if we've all given up on common sense and think that the world is so scary that we can't even let a 12 year old walk to her own home and shut the door behind her.  But instead of teaching them right from wrong, instilling a sense of responsibility and trust in their decisions, allowing them to make mistakes and learning from their mistakes - we hover. 

The lessons we used to learn at the age of 12 are now being learned later in life.  And the whole growing up process is taking longer.  What I really want to know is when did everyone get so freaked out by freedom?  There aren't more "bad guys" now than there were 25 - 30 years ago.  The problem is that our media just feeds us every bad thing that ever happens to anybody, 24 hours a day.  30 years ago, we probably would not have heard about a child being abducted or a gang shooting 4 states away, but now we hear it almost the minute it happens. And then we keep hearing it for days and weeks afterward. We see the trials on TV, then they make it into a Lifetime movie for us to relive AGAIN!

Sure the world seems scarier.  We have more information now than we ever did before.  And we can use that information to make choices about our lives.  And we can also use that information to help our children make choices about THEIR lives.  Because isn't that the whole point?  To raise a child to be an independent, self sufficient adult?

Do you let your kids have freedom?  I mean - REAL freedom?  Do you think it's wise to allow a 12 year old to make her own bacon for lunch - unsupervised?  Mine did today.